It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
being pregnant is like rehab
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
