from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
