Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
