Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
