he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
