you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
