Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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