Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its not stalking. its research.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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