i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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