Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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