That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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