I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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