alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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