sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
