he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
