Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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