so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
