wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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