Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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