Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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