So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
