is wine microwaveable?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
