I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
