There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
