We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
