My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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