I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
