My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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