biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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