I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
