Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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