he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
