dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
