i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
