tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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