just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Damn victory sex feels great
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
