A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
