dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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