ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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