just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
