wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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