Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
