you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
