Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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