My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
