just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i have herpe
just one?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
