I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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