She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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