I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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