Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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