just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
