Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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