I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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