So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
