I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize