I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
