I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
did i walk over a car last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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