i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
