remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize