real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
