In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
