making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
